Love, Loss and Gratitude near Valentine’s Day

Last month, I broke up with the best boyfriend I have ever had. He is a good man. Quirky and unique, he was very compatible with me. A giving soul with a fondness for and deep understanding of children, he was good to me and great to my son.

So what gives?

In the end, people have to be going in the same direction, and we were not. Having raised a daughter on his own and working a demanding job, he had a need for the freedom and flexibility that comes with an empty nest. Having a small child at home and starting my own business venture, I wanted a strong home and family foundation. I pushed; he pulled, and finally the threads of compatibility, mutual regard and yes, love, were not enough to keep us together.

I’m heartbroken.

Cake made by Sweet Jesse's Treats for our Valentine's Day last year. "Being in love is like when a big heart likes a light bulb a whole lot." (Xander)
Cake made by Sweet Jesse’s Treats for our Valentine’s Day last year. “Being in love is like when a big heart likes a light bulb a whole lot.” (Xander)

But today, as I sit beside my father, who lies in an ICU hospital bed with a ventilator breathing for him, I feel so much gratitude. Gratitude for the loving feelings I have for people and that people have for me, despite all of us really feeling a great deal of pain, anguish and loneliness.

We push through our isolation at times, try to connect with each other, and sometimes, we succeed gloriously.

Sometimes that connection lasts a lifetime. My parents have been married 46 years. And sometimes, it lasts weeks, months … or a year and a half.

As painful as the end of things can be, the fact that we’ve experienced connection and love at all with someone who, at some point in time, was a complete and total stranger is a freakin’ miracle.

And remembering that, I know that my heart will mend and love again.

 

8 Comments on “Love, Loss and Gratitude near Valentine’s Day

  1. Nice looking cake, beautiful words of redemption. Wonderful to be present for father. May he live in in your compassionate heart and smile.

    • Doing a lot of crying myself these days, Barbara. Fortunately, my dad is on the mend, up and about. But it turns out that he had a heart attack during this latest crisis. Hearts broken all around.

    • Thanks for reading and commenting, Lovie. Sure would like to trek your way soon for a change of scenery. Will let you know if I can and when. 🙂

  2. Pingback: Roger and Chaz Ebert: How “grown folks” love each other | Yvonne Taylor

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